In a lifetime of a man, he is always on a search, never-ending search. He thinks he will find, but when he arrives, he starts another search again, because what he thought he was looking for is really not what he is looking for. He looks to further satisfy himself.

Is satisfaction the end of the search? Satisfaction is the feeling that one obtains what he wants; what he thinks it is worth the want; what he thinks it will make him important; what he thinks it will make him unique; what he thinks the society will praise; what he thinks fits with his frame of value; and what he thinks it will end his dissatisfaction.

I, as well, am in the same trap for search. I, many times, just keep searching, open the hole, go to the corner, walk a far distance, go anywhere, but I don’t really know what I am looking for. Sometimes it is just like trying to spend all the time I have in, what I believe, a meaningful way. I search, I search, I search, but what I have been finding is just nothing. What I have found so far is rejected by my mind. It is not what I want. In fact, I don’t know what I need.  We are trapped in the world of confusion, the wants and the needs. We want so many things in life. But when we have gotten it we know really well that it is not what we need. Some times and many times, we actually know in advance that it was not we need, but we still go there and try to find.

When would there be enough for the search? When would one give up for the search? When would be the end of a search? Let’s examine it. Let’s break a big search into small parts and then analyze and hopefully it will lead us to learn about the big search.

When we are hungry, real hungry, I mean really hungry. All or any kind of food will do. I once remember walking in the north mountainous areas of Thailand. It was a long trip, coming from Bangkok. We took a boat there. After that all of us had to carry things up the hill. We were so tired and hungry. There was a food stall, selling noodle. I ordered it and it was the greatest food I ever had. I ate till they ran out of noodle. I told myself I would come back again. The next day when I came back, the food wasn’t taste that great, in fact it tasted horrible.  The search ends with what we really looking for. The first time I was looking for something just to make me live, some food, in fact any food, to kill my hunger. But the second time I looked for a good taste. And what I thought it was wasn’t really what I was looking for.

The complicated life makes us search for more and more. When we search for food, anything will do. If we were lost in a forest, any animals, veggies will do. If we don’t have money, any food on the street will do the job to fill our satisfaction. But if we search for taste, where would the end of the search be?

The search will end when one feels it is enough, when one feels that what they have obtained has actually fulfilled the desires. “Enough” is when there is no more room to fill anything further. When the room is full, in the body and mind. When we are hungry, we need food. After we have enough food we stop searching for food. In our life, there is not only food (there is Tim Sum, noodles, rice curry, saved the well-known shops that served special Tim Sum, special noodles, special curry), not only air to breath (choose one, Hua Hin’s air, Bali’s, of course no one would choose Bangkok’s air.), not only one partner to sleep with (think about all the bars and night clubs and massage palours). All these add up to extend our search to be more complicated.

At the end what are we really searching for?
PP